Congrats on the engagement! Now grab an aromatherapy candle and a glass of wine before all the stress. Planning a wedding is a lot of work and can cause some serious strain. Whether it stems from talking about budgets or telling your future mother-in-law that she can’t invite her second-cousin to your big day.

In order to help you avoid a “Monica stress vein”, we interviewed 10 women who were married within the last two years, and asked them what their one piece of advice would be for soon-to-be brides. We captured their feedback in 5 important rules to remember when planning a wedding. This is our way of saying, the Bridezilla reign needs to come to an end. 

1. PICK YOUR THING  

If you only remember one thing from this article, it’s this: don’t worry about every little thing and definitely don’t try to please everyone. Find one thing that’s really important to you and your partner, whether it’s the food, people, dress, flowers, music or whatever… and splurge on that. The rest of it? No one really cares.  

“Don’t stress about the details. There are a lot of them and they can be overwhelming – but if you ever feel like there is too much, just focus on what’s most important.” 

“Focus on the aspects that are most important to you and your partner. If that's food, then go for it. If that's the dress, then go for it. For us, it was an open bar and a good DJ”

“Prioritize what's most important to you.  It's easy to say this after you're married and really hard to recognize it before you are, but a lot of the things you think matter, do not matter.”

2. “BREAKAWAY”, KELLY CLARKSON STYLE 

When we asked these brides what their favorite memories were, several mentioned brief moments that they got to spend with their significant other. They took a minute to leave the crowd, enjoy their surroundings and remember what the day is truly about.  So be Miss Independent and remember to take a few minutes during the big event for just you and your partner.

“In my opinion, DO A FIRST LOOK. It's an unbelievably intimate moment between the two of you and you don't have to share it with everyone else (just your photographer).” 

“We took a minute during the reception to let ourselves out on the patio and watch all of our friends and family inside dancing to the band through the windows. No one really knew we snuck out there, and it was a really powerful moment.”   

“It's great and fun to celebrate with friends and family but it’s such a busy day its hard to take time to enjoy it.” 

3. TWO WORDS - OPEN BAR.

Obviously, you should do whatever it takes to have an open bar. Just kidding. Kinda.

4. SIZE MATTERS

In this case, most people prefer small: don’t invite people to your wedding because you feel like you have to, it’s your day. While most people agree that you should keep the list small and to spend the money on other things, it’s also not worth fighting about. If one or two extra invites will eliminate a fight then just do it!

“Keep it small and instead spend the money on your honeymoon.  Weddings go by so fast and even though it’s all about the bride and groom you actually get to spend very little time together that day.

Also, doing a super small destination wedding seems so much less stressful so that's what I would recommend!”

“Don't invite people out of guilt or obligation (they invited me to X so I have to invite them here…). These decisions feel heavy to make or compromise on at the time, but in hindsight many of them don't matter and cause undue stress.”

5. A FEW MORE TOOLS FOR YOUR TOOLBOX 

A portion of our responses involved practical tools and sites to use throughout your planning process. 

“I used Instagram to find most of my ideas and my photographer. Greenweddingshoes and Junebugweddings were IG accounts that I really got a lot of inspiration from.”

“BHLDN has great affordable dresses.”

“Postable is a site that you can use for free to collect mailing addresses.”

“Azazie is a very easy and affordable option for bridesmaids dresses.  

And of course, Memento is a classy way that you can ask your guests for the cash gifts that you really want and avoid the hassle or returns and the 3-hour check deposit process at your bank. Find out more on how to send a Memento cash gift for the special occasion on our wedding gifts page or how to set up a Memento wedding registry on your wedding website.